Last Thursday we had our first visit with the local adoption agency. Nothing really memorable came of it. Victor and I were excited. We asked the representative to take our picture. She commented that this was a first for her. I suppose our exuberance was some what juvenile but hey this was the beginning of our having a child process. Well as I write this I recall our Thanksgiving 2007. That was the real beginning. During prayer time with Victor's family, Victor began sharing how he would like to adopt again. So calmly, so matter of fact, so this the way for us to go. So not at all what I was even thinking I would think about some day. Can you hear the What and see the bewildered look on my face. As I write I can feel that exact expression return to my face. I was so surprised. Really? My man really wanted to expand our family through adoption, again? What was he nuts? Rose would be graduating in May and headed off to college, Abby was becoming a lovely young teen, Morgan would be awesomely 8 and Samuel Lee was a fun and fabulous 5. Life was pretty good just the way it was. We didn't want anymore children ummm that is why steps had been taken to make sure we didn't get them, has he forgotten that? But now the cat was out of the bag and I was left to wonder why I hadn't heard it meowing since it slept next to me every night? Well if you know my man you know that he doesn't have to "sort" things out. He is an "it is" or "it isn't" type of guy. So he thought about adopting for all of a few seconds and wham "it is" for us. Just that simple! " Well those of you who know me know that I am not a "yes" or "no" quick on the answer person. There is a whole lot and I stress WHOLE LOT of thinking I have do before I make decisions. It is necessary for me to sort, file and label feelings before I make a decision. So I began sorting.

The past year was one in which I sorted through my thoughts, feelings, and abilities. I also sought the Lord. I went from yes to no then maybe and back again. In June, during a fantastic family vacation, I rose early to seek my Lord. I took my bible and my journal. I watched the sun come up. It was during this time that I finally admitted what my issue was. FEAR. I was afraid that I would loose what I had. See, it is impossible for me to imagine my family life getting any better than the way it is now. This is not a boast. I have an amazing husband and 3 wonderful children. I have a wonderful relationship with my husbands ex and love my step-daughter dearly. See, told you my life is good:) So when things are good why risk changing it? I let my gratitude flow through my tears and begin praying my fears away. The Lord is so amazing, he so gently reminded me of the calling he had spoken to me when I first began to love him: "surrender and serve".

So with a clearer vision, a renewed commitment, and bubbly heart I stared googling adoption. This would be great! We have love to give. So with the push of every key I get more and more excited. Then all the options spread out before me. Domestic, Foster to Adopt, and International, What age do you want, what ethnicity, what special needs if any will you accept? What is this..human shopping? I was overwhelmed. Back to my praying spot.: I will love you lord always, especially when I can't understand where to go next. So we waited. The summer months passed with a celebration for Rose's graduation. We had Victor's 32nd birthday party and gardened our summer months away. I can still taste the tomatoes. Seriously, I just used them in homemade stew. With the change of the weather came a flurry of activity. We started working together again with Custom Electronics. Rose settled into life as a college student. Morgan and Samuel began their school year. Adopting had slipped to the backs of our minds. But our minds must not be that deep because by September's end we were discussing adoption. So adoption here we come. Fear? Well I will always have to push past it. Financing it? What we have managed to save we will sacrifice. Lord, the rest is up to you. Family? Well it will be changing. Who knows exactly what the Lord has in his plan for us? We can only offer what we have to Him and say it is all yours lord, take our lives and make of it "your kingdoms art"